Sooner or later, unless you’re a brilliant manager or extremely lucky, you will get a situation where two members of your team have a disagreement. This may result in conflict and you have to do something about it.

Most conflicts occur because of a role conflict. It’s seldom these days that it’s a personality conflict where two people can’t stand to be in the same room with each other. So how do you deal with a situation that requires your input?

Get the two together in a room to discuss the issue. Have a positive mindset first, knowing that the disagreement CAN be resolved if you approach it in the right way.

You can start with “I’ve called you together because I have a problem and I need your help“. This is true because it is your problem and if it can’t be fixed, others in the team will be affected, and that won’t be tolerated.

State your concerns about the lack of co-operation between the two. Tell them how you are feeling, using high emotional intelligence wording. Something like, “I feel frustrated…” or “I feel a bit helpless here…” or “I feel disappointed…”. Make sure they know how it makes you feel. This may help them to start thinking about problem solving instead of blame-placing.

State what you actually see, their behaviour. No judgments. No blame. Just facts.

Ask for their help. “What do you think both of you could do now so I no longer have this problem?”

Facilitate the discussion. Concentrate on the future, which can be created, not the past, which can’t be changed.

Get them to agree an action plan. Focus on what can be done to resolve the issue, rather than what can’t. You need commitment for change from both parties. If they still want to maintain their status quo positions, ask what they now expect you to do about it. This will often help them identify the positive changes that need to be made and the benefits that will come from it.

Offer help, if that’s what’s needed.

Arrange a follow-up to measure the effectiveness of any actions they take.

End with something like “Thanks for agreeing to these actions. I’ll support you all the way. By the way, if any of these actions are not carried out, how would you like me to handle it?” This allows you to plan for the eventuality that none of you want, and you may have to be quite directive in what you do.

By planning the meeting as above, there’s a chance that the conflict can be managed by the two parties themselves without too much intervention from you. I’m sure that’s what you would really want, and your proactive actions may help you avoid any further conflict.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

This is one area that managers are concerned about, mainly because conflict within team members often appears to be very personal and can affect morale very deeply. What causes it and how can you deal with it?

Firstly, why does it happen?

The main reasons for conflict appear to be:

• Disagreements over responsibilities (who should do what)
• Disagreements over policy (how things should be done)
• Conflicts of personality and style

These are some of the ways we typically deal with conflict.

Do you see yourself in any of them?

• Avoid the conflict.
• Deny it exists; wait until it goes away.
• Change the subject.
• React emotionally; become aggressive, abusive, in denial or frightening.
• Find someone to blame.
• Make excuses.
• Delegate the situation to someone else.

Can you imagine the results if this is allowed to continue?

What would happen to trust, morale, teamwork and efficiency?

This is why it’s important to deal with conflict within the team before it blows out of proportion.

Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict

Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face of conflict are:

•    Status: People in higher-status positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and are less likely to avoid confrontation.
•    Gender differences: Males are generally encouraged to be more confrontational than females.
•    Learned behaviours: In some teams, conflict and confrontation are a communication style. In others, conflict always remains hidden.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict resolution is a set of skills that can be learned. Firstly we’ll look at how you can understand the conflict through effective listening skills, then we’ll look at ways to deal with it.

Improve your Listening Skills

By listening actively, you show a level of understanding of the situation without casting judgement. You are also able to identify the emotions that have brought about the situation in the first place.
People in conflict often get emotional, so your role is to see through the emotions by really listening to the real issues, rather than the person’s opinions or judgements.
Your responses should be made up of two parts:

(1) naming the feeling that the other person is conveying, and

(2) stating the reason for the feeling.

Here are some examples of active-listening statements:

“It sounds like you’re upset by Jenny’s remarks.”
“So, you’re angry about the mistakes Pat made. Is that correct?”
“I get the feeling you have different expectations on this project to Mike”
Notice that you just state the facts, as you see it, rather than judging the feeling.
Remember, actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of view.

Benefits

•    It feels good when another person makes an effort to understand what you are thinking and feeling.
•    Restating what you’ve heard, and checking for understanding, promotes better communication and produces fewer misunderstandings.
•    Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an emotional situation.

Actions to deal with conflict

I’m sure you’ve seen conflicts escalate and cause even more problems, so what can you do to heighten your chances of dealing with conflict?

• Use “I” and “me” statements; “you” statements sound accusatory and blaming
• Avoid name-calling and put-downs (“Any logical person could see that…”).
• Soften your tone.
• Take a time-out (“Let’s take a break and cool down”).
• Acknowledge the other person’s point of view (agreement is not necessary).
• Avoid defensive or hostile body language (rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of body, tapping foot).
• Be specific and factual; avoid generalities.

Can you avoid conflict?

Is there a way you could avoid conflict in the first place, so you don’t have to go through all this pain? Some ideas may include:

•    Handle situations as they are occurring, rather than allowing them time to fester and gain momentum.
•    Become aware of what sets off conflict in your area. What touchpoints do you notice that causes people to have minor disagreements that build into exasperation, then full blown conflict?
•    Coach everyone in the team on how to deal with conflict if it’s an issue. Prevention is always better than cure

By building conflict-handling skills within yourself and your team, you create better chances of nipping this potential motivation-killer in the bud.

Thanks again,

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”