With apologies to our northern readers, the saying is absolutely correct. If you’ve ever had to have dealings with human beings, the best way you can describe different people is…well…different!

As managers we meet a complex mixture of characteristics in others, and the best managers we come across are those that can adapt to the strange ways of other folk.

You may recognise aspects of the personalities or behaviour in your colleagues in the following ‘types’.

* Lazy Shirkers – The best way to approach slackers and skivers who don’t do their share of work is to use involvement and feedback. Explain that you are having challenges and that you need help or suggestions. Tell them how you see it, and then ask for the person’s help in actually solving it. They may then offer to take their share of responsibility.

* The Buck-Passers  - These may do the barest minimum and try to shift responsibilities across to others, sometimes to give themselves an easy life, and sometimes to cover up some kind of deficiency in their abilities. You should get facts and information from job descriptions, team briefings and documents that define the responsibilities of the individual. Make sure you get their agreement to specific outlines of their obligations. Help them feel positive about taking on their responsibilities by encouraging their contributions and involvements.

* Pessimists and Negatives – If someone is consistently negative or pessimistic about things at work, don’t try to make them look at the positive side. These Kind of people will be able to justify every thought pattern they hold and they won’t want to be seen as wrong by having to ‘accentuate the positive’. Instead, calmly acknowledge there may be some truth in what the person is saying, and get their acknowledgement that things need to change, and what would they suggest would be an alternative.  Encourage them to be constructive, not just positive. Discuss responsibilities for the changes that would have to be made. Concentrate on what could be done, instead of reasons why they can’t. Ask them to come up with solutions; this way, they have to be looking forward instead of viewing things through dark-coloured glasses.

* Competitive Types – There are some who feel they have to constantly prove themselves, take credit for things and generally have to compete in one-upmanship. That’s just the way they are, I’m afraid. It could be they lack the self-confidence to face reality for what it really is, and have to cover up their own deficiencies by raising their self-esteem through hot air. Resist the temptation to indulge in competing with them; instead, emphasise the need for teamwork and stress common goals that you all should be working towards. That way, they may start thinking about how to collaborate instead of compete.

Whoever you have to deal with at work, there will be times when you need to be flexible and adaptable in your approach. If you face some of the people listed above, try out some of the ideas and see if you can influence their behaviour. Who knows, you may have an impact!

Thanks again

Mark

Mark Williams

Head of Training

MTD Management Training Course

(Image by David Castillo Dominici)

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Because they have failed, botched, screwed-up, or not performed to the level I expected, I have to let them know how I feel about it.

Yes, that’s normal, but what do you want to happen as a result of the criticism? What do you want the person to do in the future? How do you want them to change? How can you criticise without being critical?

It’s a hard one to judge, because, more often than not, emotions are involved. You may be frustrated, angry, annoyed, peeved, apoplectic or slightly uncomfortable. But if you approach criticism with a temper or an angry demeanour, you are less likely to think straight and may say or do something you wish you hadn’t.

Giving criticism tests your communication skills. If you do it right, you can transform it from a stinging, negative message to an empowering, motivating experience for all involved.

Choose words that address the real issue. Reject generalities like ‘always’, ‘never’, or ’worse’. They will make the team member defensive and make them feel as if you are attacking them as a person.

Discuss the behaviour rather than the person themselves. There’s a big difference between ‘Jim is lazy’ and ‘Jim needs to return more calls from customers’.

Say what you actual see, in words that paint pictures to the team member. Say things that can’t be denied. Use facts, not opinions. This makes it harder for people to argue or debate the issue.

Reject words like ‘unacceptable’ or ‘careless’. These do not discuss the actual events; instead, you are labeling and judging someone’s behaviour.

Don’t question or criticise someone’s character or personality. Limit comments to specific actions you want the person to modify or improve.

Be direct, stating your comments succinctly. Don’t beat about the bush, but don’t be curt or hurtful. This is not the time to make the person feel bad.

Talk to them with the underlying belief that they are capable of doing better and learning from whatever it is you are talking about.

Above all, preserve the person’s self-esteem. You don’t have to concentrate on what’s gone wrong…discuss what they could do in the future to make it right. The past cannot be changed…only the future can be planned for.

If you maintain your calm demeanour, discuss the effects of what went wrong and what can be done about it, and unconditional confidence in their abilities, there is no reason why any criticism you have to display has to seen as being critical.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

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I know what you mean. You’re worried that you might be seen as negative, or the boss might trigger a defensive reaction and you’ll suffer in the short and long-term.
However, my discussions with top managers and senior directors tell me that they would welcome some new perspectives, and most tell me they don’t get nearly enough.

Remember, the boss isn’t some fabulous guru, gaining all their knowledge through osmosis and making sensational, well-informed decisions every moment of the day. They need information, feedback and advice just like anyone else. Knowing the methods of how to give that feedback will give you the confidence to approach them and drive change forward.

Here are my tips on how to do it:

Relate your feedback or new ideas back into your manager’s and company’s goals and objectives: For example “I think the customer care feedback system could be improved, as we are losing a lot of valuable information with the current one”

Bring up actionable suggestions rather than just objections: For example “What if I talk to other companies who use different systems and identify if any of them provide better results than what we get at the moment?”

Explain how your ideas help protect against possible risks or challenges: For example “A new system will help us gain better feedback and prevent us from losing potential customers. If we try a new, more robust way of getting information, we could improve our customer loyalty”

Offer more choices to your manager: For example “Either I could do the analysis myself, or we could get IT to support the new mechanism and find out if new systems could give us more valuable information”

Reflect their concerns in your conversation: For example “I know you’ll be concerned about the extra costs, so I’ve done some research on developing new systems and in the long-run it would be more cost-effective to maintain loyalty rather than marketing for new customers all the time”

Remember to always share the same goals as your manager…that way, you won’t get bogged down with methodologies or minutia, and disagreements will be less likely.

Identify your boss’s main motivations and present them in such a way as to encourage positive discussion and make your boss look good. That way, you’ll get a hearing ear and potential agreement to your ideas.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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Conflict is the end result of a disagreement between two parties. One party things/feels one thing or takes one position, the other sees it from a different perspective.

So what can you do when faced with this situation that might end up with conflict occurring and how can you approach it so it doesn’t get out of hand?

When in confrontation with a person you may be finding difficult to get along with, ask yourself four questions:

#1 How is my personal belief system creating a picture of the situation?

#4 What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my belief system)?

Now, asking these questions will help you see things from a different perspective, identifying first of all what you are personally gaining from holding your particular point of view.

Then, by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, you identify their perspective, and the quality questions you ask will help you achieve this goal.

By explaining your view to the other person so they can see your view, both of you are now in a position to look for solutions, rather than digging in to you own positions, unwilling to compromise or collaborate with the other.

Following these questions will clarify the disagreement before they become matters of conflict and help you both focus on finding answers because of understanding each others’ views.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
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Most conflicts occur because of a role conflict. It’s seldom these days that it’s a personality conflict where two people can’t stand to be in the same room with each other. So how do you deal with a situation that requires your input?

Get the two together in a room to discuss the issue. Have a positive mindset first, knowing that the disagreement CAN be resolved if you approach it in the right way.

You can start with “I’ve called you together because I have a problem and I need your help“. This is true because it is your problem and if it can’t be fixed, others in the team will be affected, and that won’t be tolerated.

State your concerns about the lack of co-operation between the two. Tell them how you are feeling, using high emotional intelligence wording. Something like, “I feel frustrated…” or “I feel a bit helpless here…” or “I feel disappointed…”. Make sure they know how it makes you feel. This may help them to start thinking about problem solving instead of blame-placing.

State what you actually see, their behaviour. No judgments. No blame. Just facts.

Ask for their help. “What do you think both of you could do now so I no longer have this problem?”

Facilitate the discussion. Concentrate on the future, which can be created, not the past, which can’t be changed.

Get them to agree an action plan. Focus on what can be done to resolve the issue, rather than what can’t. You need commitment for change from both parties. If they still want to maintain their status quo positions, ask what they now expect you to do about it. This will often help them identify the positive changes that need to be made and the benefits that will come from it.

Offer help, if that’s what’s needed.

Arrange a follow-up to measure the effectiveness of any actions they take.

End with something like “Thanks for agreeing to these actions. I’ll support you all the way. By the way, if any of these actions are not carried out, how would you like me to handle it?” This allows you to plan for the eventuality that none of you want, and you may have to be quite directive in what you do.

By planning the meeting as above, there’s a chance that the conflict can be managed by the two parties themselves without too much intervention from you. I’m sure that’s what you would really want, and your proactive actions may help you avoid any further conflict.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
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For example, you may be in a situation where you find it difficult to deal with a team member. This can be caused by many reasons, including differences in positions and interests, motivations, personality styles, perceptions, cultural backgrounds, experience and many others.

Here are some questions you may like to consider to isolate the source of these differences and help you consider a way to deal with them:

How is your perception of the situation different from the other person?

How might their motivations differ from yours?

What do you find difficult about the other person’s style?

Does the other person’s communication style differ from yours?

What is the other person’s interest in this matter?

Are they taking a position that you find hard to deal with?

What experience or background does the person have that might be influencing they way they consider the situation?

Are other people involved in the situation, whose views you may have to consider?

Having answered those questions, what conclusions can you come to about the source of the difficulty?

The answers to these questions will give you a clear view as to why the difficulties are occurring in the first place, and give you a firm foundation on which to build a solution-focused conversation.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

People decide to either accept differences in some ways or stand their ground. And it’s this stubbornness that can sometimes cause the conflict we often see in the workplace.

How can you manage the situation, and help the parties identify a way of dealing with it?

You might try the concept of ‘perspective change’ that allows both to see things from a different angle and hence achieve a better understanding of what a solution looks like.

For example, if someone has a fixed view and you want to see the bigger picture, questions like ‘what’s your intention behind this?’ or ‘what are you trying to achieve with this?’ will help the individual shift upwards in their perception, and give you a bigger picture of the rationale they are using to back up their viewpoint.

If both people answer the question, you may get closer to achieving a similar goal. You can ask the question again to achieve a bigger picture, and you may get to the point where both are looking for the same result or goal.

Now, if you hear they are being too generic in their descriptions of what is wrong, you may ask them to be more detailed by asking ‘how specifically does this affect you?’ or ‘how does this impact you?’

This gives you the opportunity to see precisely how they view the situation, and how it could be dealt with.

By achieving a different perspective from each of the people involved, you get them to see it from a position they probably hadn’t appreciated before, and maybe will be driven to a better and more agreeable response.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

Our trainers often ask what proactive measures managers put into place to avoid conflict happening in the first place, and very often they’re met with glazed expressions and silence.

Many managers feel this is something that can only be dealt with after it occurs. After all, why would you put something into place to deal with events that aren’t happening?

But putting measures into place that can avoid conflict in the first place is not only sound practice, but relationship-building as well.

Let’s look at some ideas that will help you avoid conflict in the workplace:

• Keep your team involved and informed. Keeping information back can cause rumour and worry, the first stages of possible conflict. Misinterpretation of situations can result in accusations, blame and personal attacks. Keep the communication lines open to avoid this

• Resist becoming involved in conflict-generating games that people play. Think before judging others in public. Don’t make personal attacks on people behind their backs. Your example will be looked upon by others as something to follow, and it may cause conflict to be raised when there shouldn’t have been any

• Be cautious with any criticism you offer. Check before you over-react to situations and fact-find before making any decisions. Did you mishear or misunderstand? Check it out first

• Support staff rather than criticise them. The way you deal with potentially conflict-building situations could determine whether they cool down or heat up

• Tolerate others’ opinions and values. Although difficult, it may be better to view others as simply being human, and admit their ideas are different to yours. Always trying to prove yourself right may not be in the long-term interests of all concerned

• If there is a difference in opinion or misunderstanding, get each party to state their positions and get everyone to understand those positions before making themselves heard. This is part of Stephen Covey’s fifth effective habit out of the seven he wrote about (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Simon & Shuster Ltd). The situation becomes less emotional, as both people have to think and listen, using different parts of their brain. The more rational people become, the less likely they are accelerate towards conflict

These proactive ideas may help you identify situations where you can avoid conflict rather than have to deal with it.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

This is one area that managers are concerned about, mainly because conflict within team members often appears to be very personal and can affect morale very deeply. What causes it and how can you deal with it?

Firstly, why does it happen?

The main reasons for conflict appear to be:

• Disagreements over responsibilities (who should do what)
• Disagreements over policy (how things should be done)
• Conflicts of personality and style

These are some of the ways we typically deal with conflict.

Do you see yourself in any of them?

• Avoid the conflict.
• Deny it exists; wait until it goes away.
• Change the subject.
• React emotionally; become aggressive, abusive, in denial or frightening.
• Find someone to blame.
• Make excuses.
• Delegate the situation to someone else.

Can you imagine the results if this is allowed to continue?

What would happen to trust, morale, teamwork and efficiency?

This is why it’s important to deal with conflict within the team before it blows out of proportion.

Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict

Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face of conflict are:

•    Status: People in higher-status positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and are less likely to avoid confrontation.
•    Gender differences: Males are generally encouraged to be more confrontational than females.
•    Learned behaviours: In some teams, conflict and confrontation are a communication style. In others, conflict always remains hidden.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict resolution is a set of skills that can be learned. Firstly we’ll look at how you can understand the conflict through effective listening skills, then we’ll look at ways to deal with it.

Improve your Listening Skills

By listening actively, you show a level of understanding of the situation without casting judgement. You are also able to identify the emotions that have brought about the situation in the first place.
People in conflict often get emotional, so your role is to see through the emotions by really listening to the real issues, rather than the person’s opinions or judgements.
Your responses should be made up of two parts:

(1) naming the feeling that the other person is conveying, and

(2) stating the reason for the feeling.

Here are some examples of active-listening statements:

“It sounds like you’re upset by Jenny’s remarks.”
“So, you’re angry about the mistakes Pat made. Is that correct?”
“I get the feeling you have different expectations on this project to Mike”
Notice that you just state the facts, as you see it, rather than judging the feeling.
Remember, actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another’s point of view.

Benefits

•    It feels good when another person makes an effort to understand what you are thinking and feeling.
•    Restating what you’ve heard, and checking for understanding, promotes better communication and produces fewer misunderstandings.
•    Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an emotional situation.

Actions to deal with conflict

I’m sure you’ve seen conflicts escalate and cause even more problems, so what can you do to heighten your chances of dealing with conflict?

• Use “I” and “me” statements; “you” statements sound accusatory and blaming
• Avoid name-calling and put-downs (“Any logical person could see that…”).
• Soften your tone.
• Take a time-out (“Let’s take a break and cool down”).
• Acknowledge the other person’s point of view (agreement is not necessary).
• Avoid defensive or hostile body language (rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of body, tapping foot).
• Be specific and factual; avoid generalities.

Can you avoid conflict?

Is there a way you could avoid conflict in the first place, so you don’t have to go through all this pain? Some ideas may include:

•    Handle situations as they are occurring, rather than allowing them time to fester and gain momentum.
•    Become aware of what sets off conflict in your area. What touchpoints do you notice that causes people to have minor disagreements that build into exasperation, then full blown conflict?
•    Coach everyone in the team on how to deal with conflict if it’s an issue. Prevention is always better than cure

By building conflict-handling skills within yourself and your team, you create better chances of nipping this potential motivation-killer in the bud.

Thanks again,

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

Determine the Actual Problem

Sometimes people argue and then things escalate until they no longer remember what the original problem was. Ask everyone involved to sit down and talk about what they perceive the problem to be. Once you all agree on a source you can start to find a solution.

Allow Everyone to Contribute

Make sure everyone involved in the conflict has the opportunity to talk about what he or she not only thinks the problem is but what his opinions are and how the problem can be solved. Give each person a set amount of time to speak and make sure everyone sticks to the facts – no berating other team members.

Reach for a Compromise

Identify the methods each member of the group thinks need to be followed in order to reach a compromise. Not everyone will be happy with the entire outcome but there is always a way to make as many people happy as possible. Identify both long and short term goals and find ways for everyone to work toward them together.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Courses

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”