Stop for a moment and ask yourself…why do I need to criticise someone else? Simple question, simple answers.

Because they have failed, botched, screwed-up, or not performed to the level I expected, I have to let them know how I feel about it.

Yes, that’s normal, but what do you want to happen as a result of the criticism? What do you want the person to do in the future? How do you want them to change? How can you criticise without being critical?

It’s a hard one to judge, because, more often than not, emotions are involved. You may be frustrated, angry, annoyed, peeved, apoplectic or slightly uncomfortable. But if you approach criticism with a temper or an angry demeanour, you are less likely to think straight and may say or do something you wish you hadn’t.

Giving criticism tests your communication skills. If you do it right, you can transform it from a stinging, negative message to an empowering, motivating experience for all involved.

Choose words that address the real issue. Reject generalities like ‘always’, ‘never’, or ’worse’. They will make the team member defensive and make them feel as if you are attacking them as a person.

Discuss the behaviour rather than the person themselves. There’s a big difference between ‘Jim is lazy’ and ‘Jim needs to return more calls from customers’.

Say what you actual see, in words that paint pictures to the team member. Say things that can’t be denied. Use facts, not opinions. This makes it harder for people to argue or debate the issue.

Reject words like ‘unacceptable’ or ‘careless’. These do not discuss the actual events; instead, you are labeling and judging someone’s behaviour.

Don’t question or criticise someone’s character or personality. Limit comments to specific actions you want the person to modify or improve.

Be direct, stating your comments succinctly. Don’t beat about the bush, but don’t be curt or hurtful. This is not the time to make the person feel bad.

Talk to them with the underlying belief that they are capable of doing better and learning from whatever it is you are talking about.

Above all, preserve the person’s self-esteem. You don’t have to concentrate on what’s gone wrong…discuss what they could do in the future to make it right. The past cannot be changed…only the future can be planned for.

If you maintain your calm demeanour, discuss the effects of what went wrong and what can be done about it, and unconditional confidence in their abilities, there is no reason why any criticism you have to display has to seen as being critical.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

The most dynamic communicators I have ever come across don’t say very much.

Instead of trying to talk more and blind people with the level of their so-called intellect, charismatic managers grab attention by treating their words as precious resources. They only speak when they have something to say.

By keeping quiet, listening well and expressing your points in the fewest words possible, you gain a persuasive edge. People give undivided attention to those whose every word counts.

Poor managers:

• Repeat simple instructions to the point where they bore employees or make them feel patronised
• Tell long, rambling stories that don’t advance a conversation in any direction
• Interrupt others and change subjects often

Instead, try to appreciate the power of silence. This isn’t easy. Many people feel self-conscious when there are moments of silence in conversations. Some people think they may appear unsure, uncertain or lacking in confidence if they don’t always have something to say.

Remember that you are always communicating, even when you’re not speaking. So the silence may actually be telling someone something without you opening your mouth. Silence gives everyone a chance to reflect on what’s been said so far, and helps to disarm touchy or emotionally-charged subjects.

If you over-talk, you may bore others, because they may switch off if the things you are saying don’t add any value to the conversation.

When you feel the urge to talk, ask yourself if it could wait. Listen more than you speak. As the saying goes…best to keep silent and people think you’re a fool, than to open it and prove you are one!

So what can you do? Here are some ideas:

• Ask more questions. Get others to open up. By listening well, you might actually learn something
• After you’ve asked questions, stop. Give others time to think. Resist the urge to jump in and answer the question yourself. Determine others’ opinions first.
• Let people vent their anger, if necessary. If someone needs to blow off steam, be quiet and listen for the difference between fact and opinion. Listen for the words behind the emotion and identify the real meaning behind the words. They may say things they don’t mean because of the emotional instability, so differentiate facts from the emotional outburst.

Remaining silent helps you to pick up an awful lot of information. Share your ideas when necessary, but try to keep your ego in check when conversing. That way, you will earn respect and actually learn something!

Thanks again

Sean

(Image by Ambro)

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

I had an interesting email from a reader recently, asking if there was something wrong with her!

She said she worked in a positive environment, where she was often getting positive reinforcement for what she was doing. Her boss was continuously praising her for being on time with her attendance or project inputs or meeting minutes. Yet, this lady didn’t feel as great as she thought she should. Something she said in her email hit home to me: “I feel that I am being manipulated, as if my manager had been on a course that told him to keep on praising people and this would motivate everyone. But I don’t feel good when he does it all the time. Am I wrong to feel this way, Sean?”

Interesting, eh? This lady was in a positive environment, but not feeling positive. Why?

Well, it may have something to do with our third myth of management; the fact that positive reinforcement practices often fail because they are dealing with behaviours, not performance optimisation.

Behaviour modification was popularised by psychologist B.F. Skinner in the 1930′s. His basic ideas revolved around the facts that when employees received positive reinforcement, they are more likely to repeat the behaviour that gained the praise in the first place. And negative reinforcement would force the employee to engage in that particular behaviour less often.

However, this often feels fake and manipulative. The lady quoted above could subconsciously see that the praise wasn’t really genuine. If it was, she would have accepted it for what it was. Positive reinforcement often affects the employee’s extrinsic motivation, but rarely their intrinsic motivation.

Coming to work on time because you know that if you don’t you will be reprimanded is an example of extrinsic motivation – you are motivated to do something because of what will result at the end of it.

Intrinsic motivation comes from within and is based on a personally-held belief.

Extrinsic motivation is compliance-based; intrinsic motivation is interest-based. Positive reinforcement systems encourage and improve extrinsic motivation, but not intrinsic.

As a manager, you need to find ways to create environments that improve people’s intrinsic motivation, things that will drive them from the inside, so their passion, drive, ingenuity, creativity and energy are tapped into. Manipulating by continuous praise won’t accomplish this.

Remember to mix the two, and you should get better results.

Thanks again

Sean

If you think you deserve a pay rise, say ‘Aye!’

Wow, I just went slightly deaf with all the positive responses! But, of course, you know the current economic situation and you’re lucky to still be in a job, aren’t you? Well, yes, but how does it feel to be paid less than what you think you’re worth? Is it worth the hassle and risk of asking?

It’s important to think through a number of issues and have lots of information when you do pluck up enough courage to make your request. Ask these questions to help you prepare for any negotiations on salary:

• How is your company doing in the current economic climate?
• Is this the right time to ask for a pay increase?
• How have you been performing and what evidence have you for backing up your request?
• What is the typical salary range for a job like yours?
• What’s the best way to make the request?

So, firstly, decide what would be the best time to ask for the rise. Naturally, this would seem to be during the performance review process with your boss. But if this hasn’t been for some time, or any rise you previously had is lost in the mists of time, think about whether you deserve this discussion sooner rather than later.

Then, make plans to meet up. This has to be a more formal meeting than your usual ones with the boss, as the subject matter is one of great importance to you and them. Link it in with performance measurements and career plans.

Write down your contributions to the company and how they have benefited from having you there. Keep a file of your achievements regularly. You’ll need to build a business case for why the company should increase your pay. Document why you should be rewarded. Keep track of measurable results from your actions, e.g. increased sales, quality improvement, decreased staff turnover, etc. Be absolutely clear on why you deserve this increase.

Know what you are worth in the marketplace. Most companies conduct external and internal salary surveys to compare salaries industry-wide and geographically-spread. Such information is widely available on sites such as www.jobsite.co.uk/career/advice/negotiate.html and www.salarysearch.co.uk . Have a word with your HR department to discuss what your type of job pays in your industry and local companies.

Talk win/win with your boss. You want them to consider this as a benefit to the company as well as to you. Show how everyone has benefited from what you’ve done in the past 6/12/18 months, or whatever, and list your accomplishments in a way that shows those benefits. Show how you are going to build on those results in the next time period. Describe your goals in ways that will support the company’s and your boss’s goals, and how you will continue to make a difference.

Then, ask for the amount you are looking for in monetary or percentage terms that you know you deserve and why.

Listen to the response. Consider the reasons for what they are saying. Remember, this is a negotiation with them, so summarise your position and make sure you understand their position too. If you do meet some objections, make sure you are prepared to explain why you still think you deserve the raise.

If the answer is ‘No’, then prepare to ask what you need to do in order to earn one. What else do they expect you to do? Write it down and make it very specific. You need to know what their expectations are for the future and what their plans are for your career.

Here are some things NOT to do:

Don’t threaten to leave if you don’t get the raise. It proves you’re not that committed to the company and are basically just out for something for yourself. It negates everything you’ve said before about being a company player, and isn’t career-enhancing.

Don’t complain to colleagues. This proves you’re not a team player and can instil a lack of confidence in the company by others, wondering what the future may hold for them. Politically, it’s a disaster for you, and if management get to hear about it, bang goes any promotion or pay rise in the near future. You only prove yourself to be a whinger and a moaner.

Don’t ask what everyone else in the company earns. Unless you work in a company with an open policy on these matters, most salary details are kept private. Instead, do your research on the net and find out what you could get by benchmarking other companies.

If you prepare effectively and are confident in your abilities, performance and accomplishments, there is every chance that you will at least get a hearing ear when you talk about your deserved pay rise.

Thanks again

Sean

How many times have you said sentences like these?

It isn’t very far!

Let’s get together sometime!

I need it quickly!

I would like you to do this really well!

We need to communicate better!

That will cost a lot!

Call me later!

I’m sure there are many similar statements you have made that are ambiguous or unclear in their meaning.

These are examples of what are known linguistically as ‘generalisations’, and even though we may have a clear idea of what we mean by ‘a lot’, ‘later’ or ‘better’, are you sure that the other person has a clear understanding and knows what you mean? Of course, the answer is no.

There are times when you want to be deliberately vague, not because you want to mislead, but because you genuinely don’t know the answer now. What I’m referring to are those occasions when the other person needs to be really clear on what you are saying, so there’s no misunderstanding.

The first thing you need to do is to be clear in your own mind of the meaning you want to convey. In this blog, I covered the three areas you need to be aware of before communicating effectively. They were purpose, intention and meaning. If you want the other person to be understand complete what you are discussing, become totally aware of when you use these generalisations, and whether they convey the meaning you originally intended.

Try writing down the sentences I’ve listed at the top of this blog and giving them to your team members. Then ask them to write what they consider the meaning to be next to each one. You might be surprised to see the differences that each person interprets the messages as.

Does this mean you have to be absolutely accurate every time? That would be impossible, but what you can do is become highly aware of what the messages you are sending actually mean to the person you are talking to. If it could be mis-interpreted, mis-construed or mis-aligned, determine whether there is a different way you could express it so it becomes more clear.

You may start off with a sentence like ‘we have to communicate better’, and then filter down into smaller chunks to clarify what you mean and ensure your listeners understand the meaning behind the message. You could continue with ‘ what I mean by this is the level of communication has to be correct for the situation and the message, and we need to be clearer in what we say. Let me give you an example…’ and then get more specific in what you need them to do.

Think back on occasions when you felt confused about a message given to you and how you interpreted it. Then think how you would have preferred that message to have been given to you. That way, you encourage yourself to reduce the amount of generalities you use and lessen the amount of misunderstandings you cause.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”