Instead of trying to talk more and blind people with the level of their so-called intellect, charismatic managers grab attention by treating their words as precious resources. They only speak when they have something to say.

By keeping quiet, listening well and expressing your points in the fewest words possible, you gain a persuasive edge. People give undivided attention to those whose every word counts.

Poor managers:

• Repeat simple instructions to the point where they bore employees or make them feel patronised
• Tell long, rambling stories that don’t advance a conversation in any direction
• Interrupt others and change subjects often

Instead, try to appreciate the power of silence. This isn’t easy. Many people feel self-conscious when there are moments of silence in conversations. Some people think they may appear unsure, uncertain or lacking in confidence if they don’t always have something to say.

Remember that you are always communicating, even when you’re not speaking. So the silence may actually be telling someone something without you opening your mouth. Silence gives everyone a chance to reflect on what’s been said so far, and helps to disarm touchy or emotionally-charged subjects.

If you over-talk, you may bore others, because they may switch off if the things you are saying don’t add any value to the conversation.

When you feel the urge to talk, ask yourself if it could wait. Listen more than you speak. As the saying goes…best to keep silent and people think you’re a fool, than to open it and prove you are one!

So what can you do? Here are some ideas:

• Ask more questions. Get others to open up. By listening well, you might actually learn something
• After you’ve asked questions, stop. Give others time to think. Resist the urge to jump in and answer the question yourself. Determine others’ opinions first.
• Let people vent their anger, if necessary. If someone needs to blow off steam, be quiet and listen for the difference between fact and opinion. Listen for the words behind the emotion and identify the real meaning behind the words. They may say things they don’t mean because of the emotional instability, so differentiate facts from the emotional outburst.

Remaining silent helps you to pick up an awful lot of information. Share your ideas when necessary, but try to keep your ego in check when conversing. That way, you will earn respect and actually learn something!

Thanks again

Sean

(Image by Ambro)

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

What can you do when someone else is displaying anger? Here are some tips to help.

First, be absolutely clear on what the problem is.

Whether the question is about how to deal with an angry colleague or with an angry boss, the first step is to recognise the problem. The most common mistake made by most people, when it comes to dealing with anger, is playing the blame game. Sadly, this only adds fuel to the fire and the person fails to see the problem. So, recognising the problem as a genuine one, which needs to be treated is very important for treating it.

Then, Confront the Problem
The next phase of how to deal with an angry person, is confrontation. Now that you have taken notice of the issue, you need to confront the other person about it as well. Keeping it to yourself and treating it without telling the other person, will not help. Communication plays a key role in treating the problem. Thus,  listening to what they have to say is an important part of this treatment. Make a mental note of triggers that cause bouts of anger. The triggers may be small or big in nature. They may seem insignificant to you. However, you need to understand the problems from the other person’s point of view to treat it once and for all.

Now, Focus on Solving the Problem 

Once you know what the triggers are, solving the problems becomes much more organised. It is easier to design a methodical approach to solve the problem and most importantly it helps you and the person being treated, keep a track of the progress.  Instead of fighting and getting angry over trigger points it’s necessary that you look for ways to solve them instead. This way the trigger is eliminated and its frequency of recurring is also reduced. Once the person learns the benefits of problem solving, the energy spent in getting angry is then diverted to look for solutions.

Now, Be Supportive

Accepting the problem is a huge step on the person’s part. Plus, accepting your help does take a lot of mental mending too. At this point, the person needs your support to get over this problem. So, appreciate small changes and reward them with little trinkets and compliments. Harshly punishing the person will only backfire and make the person lose belief in himself.

While learning how to deal with an angry person, it is important to understand that the person may not be aware of his problem. So, such people need extra care and attention. Avoiding triggers is no way of dealing with the problem, as they are always of a recurring nature. Confrontation is the only method to solve impending issues that aggravate the mind and brain and make one angry. Stifling or ignoring only worsens the situation.

Keep aware of what the anger from the other person is telling you. Deal with those situations using these tips and see if there is a different outcome.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

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The question is, do you want to be able to influence people effectively and help them react properly when the emotions are running high?

Here are some ideas on how to deal with aggression coming your way:

1)     Stay calm yourself: Easier said than done, but essential if you are going to reason with the aggressor. Remember, when the emotional brain takes over, the logical brain takes second place, so by forcing yourself not to be influenced by emotion, you stand a better chance of dealing with it.

2)    State clearly how you see it: Identifying the position from your point of view helps the other person to see a new or differing perspective. Remaining calm helps them see their behaviour isn’t
going to influence you.

3)     Show them you see their point of view: Seeing their angle doesn’t mean you agree with it; it simply means you understand it. People are more willing to rationalise a situation if they feel they are understood.

4)     Resist the urge to fight back: This will add fuel to the fire and not help with your control. Stay calm, don’t interrupt and allow the emotion to burn itself out.

5)     Focus on solutions, rather than blame: While emotions are running high, it is not the time to accuse or cast dispersions on other people. Blame will only ignite more flames, especially if the situation or person being blamed cannot be defended.

6)     If all fails, agree to leave it for the time being and return to it when the aggression has been dissipated: You may not be able to deal with the aggression at the time it is happening; by returning to it minutes, hours or days later, you may see it from a new perspective and the emotion won’t be clouding the issue like it did before.

Handling aggressive behaviour isn’t easy, especially when you can see the other person has a point. However, understanding why it occurs and dealing with the solution helps you put the emphasis on results, and helps the aggressor identify ways to release the tension in more constructive ways.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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What can you do if you face a customer, colleague, or other person who decides to use this form of communication to make a certain point?

Firstly, difficult as it may seem, try not to react. Take a breath. Recognise that you being aggressive too will only fuel the fire.

Ask clarification questions if you need to. Try to keep the aggressive person thinking about facts. This will utilise the left brain and will put less emphasis on the emotions that are causing aggression from the right brain.

Get a clear picture of the situation from their point of view. Let them have their say without interruption. This will subliminally send the message that they should listen to you when you speak.

State clearly how you see the situation, without judging the other person’s viewpoint. Explain how you see the discrepancy between what they believe and how they see it and what you feel is actually the case.

If you are not providing fuel for their aggression, you may quickly see it start to diminish.

If they don’t see your position, you may have to leave it for a while and come back to it again after tempers have cooled.

If you’re able to maintain your composure in the face of aggression, you may find that your genuine poise and presence of mind helps you to see things differently. Understand why the other person is being aggressive. It may be the only way they see an answer to the challenges they are facing. Your reaction may well have an influence over how they continue to behave.

By being assertive and non-aggressive in your response to aggression, you give yourself the chance to be clear-headed in your feedback, and that may well help in diffusing the situation.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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For this reason it is important to run an anger management class for your entire workplace. Everyone should participate, whether they have shown signs of anger problems at work or not. Someone might be having problems at home that the course might help while others may have something brewing just under the surface.

Simply put, here are a few reasons you can use to justify running an anger management class at work:

• Human resources might want management to take an anger management course as a preventative measure; so that they can control themselves and understand what their employees are going through.
• Your employees may recognize that they have anger problems but may not have any idea where to turn for help – and, as such, won’t get help unless it is offered.
• You can make participation in an anger management class a condition of employment for employees who have displayed anger problems in the past.
• Taking an anger management class might help someone in your group at home – and people who are happy at home will be happier and less distracted at work.
• Anger management classes might help your employees work better together, especially in groups where there is constantly friction due to personality conflict.

Anger management classes aren’t the end-all-be-all when it comes to solving problems – but they can help. Consider adding one to the schedule in your workplace soon. You might be surprised at how effective the classes really are.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Leadership Development

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

Those who mismanage their anger (approximately 1 in 5 people) may soon find themselves headed down a difficult path. They may find themselves in abusive situations, may find themselves experiencing road rage, or maybe even participate in an act of workplace violence.

I could speak to you about anger management techniques until my face turns blue, but here’s an interesting fact. The other day I read an article that talked about a poll taken in the US where in 2 out of every 10 people admitted to having become angry enough at work to want to hurt another employee. The truth? Things like this happen all around the world – no exceptions.

As a manager you need to be alert and aware at all times. Watch for signs of anger mismanagement not only in yourself but in your employees and team members. If the signs you see aren’t triggered by a single event, or seem to continue for a lengthy period of time, you may need to consider whether or not it is safe to keep the employee in question on your team.

Perhaps he or she needs more help than you’re able to give from a mentor/mentee standpoint. In the end, the safety of you and the rest of your team is paramount. Think about it.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Manager Training

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

Unfortunately, many people aren’t able to control their anger and let it get out of control. They don’t properly convey their feelings and usually end up hurting themselves as well as others. Here are a few more anger management techniques you can use when you start to feel out of control.

Sit down and have a conversation with yourself. Find a place where you can sit down and tell yourself “I am angry right now because…” and fill in the blank. You can do this alone in order to get control of your feelings or you can use it as an opportunity to start a conversation with the person you feel caused your anger. Just remember – no yelling!

Meditation is a highly recommended stress reliever. Meditation gives people the opportunity to clear their minds and refocus on the task at hand. You’ll be able to revisit any situation without the negative feelings you had initially. You can take a class on meditation or even find a video or recording to guide yourself at home.

Find a reason to laugh. Laughter is, after all, the best medicine. Keep a funny book, picture, recording, or video saved in a place where you can access it at all times. When you feel angry, whip out your favorite funny piece and have a good laugh. It’ll give you a chance to rebalance yourself while diffusing some of your anger.

Remember, while anger is natural, it can be controlled. As a manager, courses in dealing with conflict or being assertive may also teach you new ways to control your anger in a difficult situation. In the end, though, be sure that you never let your anger get the best of you, either at home or at work!

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

When you feel the rage boiling under your skin, try a few of these ideas:

• It may seem childish, but take a time-out. Close your office door, don’t answer the phone, breathe slowly, and count to 10 – count again if you need to. Always take a few minutes to regroup before returning to the scene of the crime.

• Get some exercise. Get up from your desk and go for a walk – take the stairs instead of the elevator or walk around the outside of your building. Physical exertion is a great way to relieve stress and tension; which is why being involved in an after-work sport or activity is great for your overall well being.

• Keep a journal. Writing out your feelings may help you to identify the sources of your anger and find ways to handle them better. Perhaps you’re getting angry over something silly – writing it out may help you to see things in a different light.

• Calmly and professionally express your anger. Let the person who offended or angered you know that he or she has done so, but do not lash out. Wait until you have calmed down and explain why you feel the way you do. If it’s not possible to speak to the person who upset you, seek out a friend or counselor and talk it out.

• Never speak in anger. You’ll say things you might regret and run the chance of ruining your career or team relationships. Always wait until you’ve calmed down to respond to any situation.

Being able to control your anger will contribute to your developing communication skills as well as ensure you keep your workplace under control. It only takes one or two angry slip-ups to completely disgruntle your employees or superiors – and those relationships will be very difficult to redevelop once they’re destroyed.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

One morning Tom walked into the office, set up his laptop, and walked away to get a cup of coffee. He was starting to feel the pressure of the looming deadline and had begun to become frustrated with the slow pace some of his teammates were taking with their contributions to the research. As he was settling back into the office to begin working, a member of his team came in and sat across from him at his desk. They began discussing files and the team member reached across to grab and handful of relevant papers. On his way back across the desk, he accidentally knocked over Tom’s cup of coffee – the one he had placed just a little too close to the laptop.

After a frozen moment of terror, both men watched as the coffee settled into the small keyboard, working its way into the computer’s mainframe. There was an ugly grinding sound before the computer halted to a stop and the screen went completely blank. Tom’s project was destroyed – no one would be able to recover the lost document in time.

Tom went absolutely crazy. He couldn’t think straight, began yelling obscenities, and blamed the poor soul on the other side of the desk for his misfortune. His behavior escalated until he had progressed from anger to outright rage. It took three members of upper management to calm him down.

Tom was understandably upset, but was his rage justified? It was not. There is never a good reason for behaving in an inappropriate manner at work. Tom was devastated because he was in a new management position, was coordinating his first project, and felt as though he had just failed.

If Tom had remained calm and collect, he could have mourned his first draft and then collected his team for a meeting to determine the quickest and most effective way of recreating the work that had been done thus far. Each member of his team had a role in the process and, with a little bit of work, what he had done so far could have been duplicated. Instead, he ignored his feelings of frustration until he was pushed over the edge by a single incident. This is a terrible example of anger management.

My example about Tom’s situation is a slight exaggeration. Most people won’t react quite as harshly when they lose their tempers, but their anger will still be blinding. Anger is a natural human response to a bad situation, but you can control your anger and choose your own reaction.

How will you choose to respond?

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

When you start feeling angry every day, however, it will be time to assess whether or not you’ve reached an unreasonable or unmanageable level. Will you be able to catch and control your anger before it turns into rage? Better yet, will you be able to identify misplaced anger in your employees before they go off the deep end or some sort of workplace violence occurs?

I’m going to come back to the subject of anger management a quite a bit over the next few weeks. I feel that gaining a strong understanding of anger, anger management, and how it impacts workplace performance is important facet of your management training and will only serve to help you form your own unique leadership style.

We’re going to discuss the reasons why people get angry, how they deal with anger, and what you can do to control and manage situations as they arise.

Remember, a happy workplace is a productive workplace. Take a few moments to think about your life and your team – do you think you may have anger management issues? Keep them in mind as we go through this process. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone share their views.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”