The most dynamic communicators I have ever come across don’t say very much.

Instead of trying to talk more and blind people with the level of their so-called intellect, charismatic managers grab attention by treating their words as precious resources. They only speak when they have something to say.

By keeping quiet, listening well and expressing your points in the fewest words possible, you gain a persuasive edge. People give undivided attention to those whose every word counts.

Poor managers:

• Repeat simple instructions to the point where they bore employees or make them feel patronised
• Tell long, rambling stories that don’t advance a conversation in any direction
• Interrupt others and change subjects often

Instead, try to appreciate the power of silence. This isn’t easy. Many people feel self-conscious when there are moments of silence in conversations. Some people think they may appear unsure, uncertain or lacking in confidence if they don’t always have something to say.

Remember that you are always communicating, even when you’re not speaking. So the silence may actually be telling someone something without you opening your mouth. Silence gives everyone a chance to reflect on what’s been said so far, and helps to disarm touchy or emotionally-charged subjects.

If you over-talk, you may bore others, because they may switch off if the things you are saying don’t add any value to the conversation.

When you feel the urge to talk, ask yourself if it could wait. Listen more than you speak. As the saying goes…best to keep silent and people think you’re a fool, than to open it and prove you are one!

So what can you do? Here are some ideas:

• Ask more questions. Get others to open up. By listening well, you might actually learn something
• After you’ve asked questions, stop. Give others time to think. Resist the urge to jump in and answer the question yourself. Determine others’ opinions first.
• Let people vent their anger, if necessary. If someone needs to blow off steam, be quiet and listen for the difference between fact and opinion. Listen for the words behind the emotion and identify the real meaning behind the words. They may say things they don’t mean because of the emotional instability, so differentiate facts from the emotional outburst.

Remaining silent helps you to pick up an awful lot of information. Share your ideas when necessary, but try to keep your ego in check when conversing. That way, you will earn respect and actually learn something!

Thanks again

Sean

(Image by Ambro)

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

There are few situations that cause more angst and frustration than having to deal with another person’s anger. Whatever the reason, when another person is angry, they rarely think straight, as emotions are running strong and can have an over-bearing control over the things said and done.

What can you do when someone else is displaying anger? Here are some tips to help.

First, be absolutely clear on what the problem is.

Whether the question is about how to deal with an angry colleague or with an angry boss, the first step is to recognise the problem. The most common mistake made by most people, when it comes to dealing with anger, is playing the blame game. Sadly, this only adds fuel to the fire and the person fails to see the problem. So, recognising the problem as a genuine one, which needs to be treated is very important for treating it.

Then, Confront the Problem
The next phase of how to deal with an angry person, is confrontation. Now that you have taken notice of the issue, you need to confront the other person about it as well. Keeping it to yourself and treating it without telling the other person, will not help. Communication plays a key role in treating the problem. Thus,  listening to what they have to say is an important part of this treatment. Make a mental note of triggers that cause bouts of anger. The triggers may be small or big in nature. They may seem insignificant to you. However, you need to understand the problems from the other person’s point of view to treat it once and for all.

Now, Focus on Solving the Problem 

Once you know what the triggers are, solving the problems becomes much more organised. It is easier to design a methodical approach to solve the problem and most importantly it helps you and the person being treated, keep a track of the progress.  Instead of fighting and getting angry over trigger points it’s necessary that you look for ways to solve them instead. This way the trigger is eliminated and its frequency of recurring is also reduced. Once the person learns the benefits of problem solving, the energy spent in getting angry is then diverted to look for solutions.

Now, Be Supportive

Accepting the problem is a huge step on the person’s part. Plus, accepting your help does take a lot of mental mending too. At this point, the person needs your support to get over this problem. So, appreciate small changes and reward them with little trinkets and compliments. Harshly punishing the person will only backfire and make the person lose belief in himself.

While learning how to deal with an angry person, it is important to understand that the person may not be aware of his problem. So, such people need extra care and attention. Avoiding triggers is no way of dealing with the problem, as they are always of a recurring nature. Confrontation is the only method to solve impending issues that aggravate the mind and brain and make one angry. Stifling or ignoring only worsens the situation.

Keep aware of what the anger from the other person is telling you. Deal with those situations using these tips and see if there is a different outcome.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

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FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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Once in a while, you will have to face situations where people choose to show aggression to achieve a goal. The reasons for the behaviour may be valid in their eyes, and they may be able to justify everything they do and say.

The question is, do you want to be able to influence people effectively and help them react properly when the emotions are running high?

Here are some ideas on how to deal with aggression coming your way:

1)     Stay calm yourself: Easier said than done, but essential if you are going to reason with the aggressor. Remember, when the emotional brain takes over, the logical brain takes second place, so by forcing yourself not to be influenced by emotion, you stand a better chance of dealing with it.

2)    State clearly how you see it: Identifying the position from your point of view helps the other person to see a new or differing perspective. Remaining calm helps them see their behaviour isn’t
going to influence you.

3)     Show them you see their point of view: Seeing their angle doesn’t mean you agree with it; it simply means you understand it. People are more willing to rationalise a situation if they feel they are understood.

4)     Resist the urge to fight back: This will add fuel to the fire and not help with your control. Stay calm, don’t interrupt and allow the emotion to burn itself out.

5)     Focus on solutions, rather than blame: While emotions are running high, it is not the time to accuse or cast dispersions on other people. Blame will only ignite more flames, especially if the situation or person being blamed cannot be defended.

6)     If all fails, agree to leave it for the time being and return to it when the aggression has been dissipated: You may not be able to deal with the aggression at the time it is happening; by returning to it minutes, hours or days later, you may see it from a new perspective and the emotion won’t be clouding the issue like it did before.

Handling aggressive behaviour isn’t easy, especially when you can see the other person has a point. However, understanding why it occurs and dealing with the solution helps you put the emphasis on results, and helps the aggressor identify ways to release the tension in more constructive ways.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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No matter how assertive you may be, you will still come across people who decide that being aggressive is the best way to handle a situation. It’s their choice. They choose to behave that way.

What can you do if you face a customer, colleague, or other person who decides to use this form of communication to make a certain point?

Firstly, difficult as it may seem, try not to react. Take a breath. Recognise that you being aggressive too will only fuel the fire.

Ask clarification questions if you need to. Try to keep the aggressive person thinking about facts. This will utilise the left brain and will put less emphasis on the emotions that are causing aggression from the right brain.

Get a clear picture of the situation from their point of view. Let them have their say without interruption. This will subliminally send the message that they should listen to you when you speak.

State clearly how you see the situation, without judging the other person’s viewpoint. Explain how you see the discrepancy between what they believe and how they see it and what you feel is actually the case.

If you are not providing fuel for their aggression, you may quickly see it start to diminish.

If they don’t see your position, you may have to leave it for a while and come back to it again after tempers have cooled.

If you’re able to maintain your composure in the face of aggression, you may find that your genuine poise and presence of mind helps you to see things differently. Understand why the other person is being aggressive. It may be the only way they see an answer to the challenges they are facing. Your reaction may well have an influence over how they continue to behave.

By being assertive and non-aggressive in your response to aggression, you give yourself the chance to be clear-headed in your feedback, and that may well help in diffusing the situation.

Thanks again

Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Management Course

Click below for a:
FREE email course “Improve Your Management Skills”

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We’ve talked about anger and the importance of properly managing it in the past. The truth is that everyone is going to get angry while at work at least once during the course of his career. Everyone will handle that anger differently but there are a few who will have no idea how to appropriately respond to anger – especially in a formal environment. While throwing things around or yelling may work in the privacy of your home, it simply doesn’t fly in the work environment.

For this reason it is important to run an anger management class for your entire workplace. Everyone should participate, whether they have shown signs of anger problems at work or not. Someone might be having problems at home that the course might help while others may have something brewing just under the surface.

Simply put, here are a few reasons you can use to justify running an anger management class at work:

• Human resources might want management to take an anger management course as a preventative measure; so that they can control themselves and understand what their employees are going through.
• Your employees may recognize that they have anger problems but may not have any idea where to turn for help – and, as such, won’t get help unless it is offered.
• You can make participation in an anger management class a condition of employment for employees who have displayed anger problems in the past.
• Taking an anger management class might help someone in your group at home – and people who are happy at home will be happier and less distracted at work.
• Anger management classes might help your employees work better together, especially in groups where there is constantly friction due to personality conflict.

Anger management classes aren’t the end-all-be-all when it comes to solving problems – but they can help. Consider adding one to the schedule in your workplace soon. You might be surprised at how effective the classes really are.

Thanks again,
Sean

Sean McPheat
Managing Director
MTD Leadership Development

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”