Most of our communication is habitual. That means, we don’t have to think (and so don’t!) when we converse with another person. The conversation just flows and is often forgotten the moment we move away.

By not being aware of the effect our words may have on the other person, we often say things we don’t mean or regret later. When communicating, we need to be aware of what meaning they may get from what we say.

Negative trigger words may be used without us even realising it. These may not appear negative on the face of it, but may elicit a negative response from the other person. Here are some examples:

1) General statements purporting to be specifics. It’s the language of absolutes. Words like ‘Always, Never, Constantly’. They are words that offer no exceptions to the situation, and can create defensiveness in the other person.

Expressions like: “You always make mistakes like that”, “You never turn up on time” and “You constantly interrupt when I’m talking” are universals that apply to every situation. But, of course, they aren’t really absolutes. The other person may well counter to defend themselves. These trigger words force them onto the attack.

2) Words like ‘should, must and need to’. Used in the wrong context, they can appear to be ordering others around.

“You should do this right now”, “You must try better next time” and “You need to find a better way of doing that” are all examples of triggers that could cause people to defend against them.

3) Words like ‘can’t, won’t, don’t’. When heard as a request to someone’s enquiry, they can trigger negative responses by some. Having the more positive frame of mind will dismiss these negative words and drive the conversation forward instead of finding reasons why things won’t happen.

4) Words like ‘try, maybe, perhaps’ communicate doubt, uncertainty and lack of commitment. As Yoda said, “There is no ‘try’, only ‘do’”.

Instead of using these terms that can create negative reactions in people, build their confidence by working through the conversation focusing on what can actually be accomplished, rather than concentrating on what cannot be done. Negative trigger words will often build up resentment and, at the very least, create resistance to forward positive direction in the conversation.

Being aware of these triggers is the first stage of becoming consciously aware of our communications with others, rather than doing everything by habit.

Thanks again

Nick Hill

Training Director

MTD Management Training Course

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You know the feeling; a comment from another person makes your eyebrows rise, your mouth open wide and a sharp intake of breath taken in. They’ve made a comment that can only be described as being in ‘poor taste’.

What do we actually mean by that statement? Well, naturally, it’s a matter of opinion as to what constitutes ‘poor’ taste, though it is commonly thought that anything that could be considered risque or possibly likely to offend (even if that person is deemed sensitive) can be designated as being ‘poor’ communication.

You may think you’re just being humorous, but the other person might well feel you have taken a step too far. Here are four areas that it would be good to avoid if you are serious about conversing in ‘good’ taste.

1) Sarcasm. This is different from being witty. Wit is a clever remark that everyone thinks is funny, even if it just raises a smile. Sarcasm is a biting remark said in so-called jest that people more often take personally as a ‘put-down’. Complaining that the other person is being ‘sensitive’ or taking something ‘too personally’ doesn’t negate the sting. Instead, it shows the speaker is the insensitive one and lacks the emotional intelligence to know when they are offending and when they aren’t.

2) Ridicule. This is kidding that goes that one step too far. It makes people feel they are being laughed at, and being the butt of jokes. This can affect their self-esteem and their self-worth. Think of what your intent is in saying those things to another. Is it to motivate, up-build or encourage? Or is it to have a laugh at their expense?

3) Being off-colour. This isn’t funny, can often offend and has no place in the working environment. Just think: If you were the subject of such comments (be they based on colour, religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity, etc) how would you be feeling?

4) Trying to be the comedian. The harder some people try to be funny, the more irritating it gets. When humour is forced it tends to lose its impact. Instead, think about finding the humorous side in real, everyday occurrences. A quick, witty remark that is genuinely funny and not hurtful against anyone often raises people’s spirits genuinely, rather than being forced.

Think how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of any ‘poor taste’ remarks. Be aware of the sensitivities of others’ feelings. Think before opening your mouth. That way, you don’t run the risk of even mistakenly offending others.

Many thanks

Mark Williams

Head of Training

MTD Management Training Course

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Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

Many teams are actually just a group of people who happen to be working under the same roof. They may have similar jobs, work for the same company and aim for similar results, but are they all pulling in the same direction, meeting the same objectives and aiding each other to create a great working environment?

How can the team measure how effective they are and how can you ensure they are all singing from the same song-sheet, as it were?

You could carry out a team assessment. Or, better still, let them carry out a self-assessment themselves.

Here’s how you can set one up:

1) Plan some time and inform every team member what is going to happen. You could provide lunch or snacks, so they see you feel this is important.

2) Get them to think about two key questions: What’s going well that we should keep and continue with? In what ways does the team need to improve?

3) Then get them to assess the team against 10 criteria:

• Clarity of our goals
• Relaxed climate to work in
• Clarity of team member roles
• Participation in decisions
• Sufficient resources to get jobs done
• Good communication
• Good management support
• Meetings are useful
• Conflicts are smoothly resolved
• External relationships are effective

You can choose others if you feel them appropriate for the team environment.

Allow team members to assess how they feel against each of the criteria. You can devise a scoring system that will help you compare each person’s thoughts (something like 0-10 will suffice)

After marks have been collated, appoint a facilitator whose job is to discuss the results and reach a consensus on action plans

Record the team’s ideas on a flip, so everyone can see them.

Review and prioritise this list before the end of the meeting

Arrange to have the list distributed to all team members.

Decide what follow-up actions are necessary.

Conduct an informal assessment of the meeting.

Decide on future plans for action based on the results of the feedback.

By carrying out an exercise like this, you get every team member to assess how they feel against key criteria. Then, make sure you listen to what is said at this self-assessment and see if you can devise some ‘quick-wins’ so the team can see the exercise was worth getting involved with.

Conducting a self-assessment is something you can carry out annually to check on progress. The team will respond well if they see results coming from it, and you will have achieved a high level of support so that the group of people you are managing maintains its ‘team’ ethos.

Many thanks

Mark Williams

Head of Training

MTD Management Training Course

(Image by Digital Art)

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

When I visit clients, the conversation often turns to how their staff could do with further development. That’s music to my ears, as that’s the service I offer!

But a fundamental question I ask of them makes them stop and think. I ask, ‘If developing your people’s skills is so important, what processes do you have in place so that they learn every day?’

I often get sheepish looks, and they say they leave it up to departmental managers to ensure their staff are motivated and develop their skills on the job.

Do you see people-development as an important issue in your company? Is the slogan ‘Our people are our greatest asset’ just a comment that someone once came up with and is now long-forgotten?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about raiding your budget and sending everyone on countless training courses. No, that would be a knee-jerk reaction that wouldn’t pay dividends. Because the real way to develop your people over time, and increase their contribution, motivation, passion and loyalty is to have a process for continuous, on-the-job learning and development.

How can you encourage this type of culture? You could think about including the following:

Adopting a mentoring and coaching culture: Day-to-Day interactions, observational feedback, formal and informal discussions, goal-setting, project-planning and hands-on assistance.

Personal Development Plans: Job-sharing, seminar-attendance, mentoring others, web research, visiting the competition, visiting other branches of your own company, customer focus groups, reading work related magazines and books.

Temporary projects: job-swapping, ad-hoc projects, matrix team membership

Extra support: secondment to other branches or departments, community services, night school courses, team-leadership projects, NVQs, college courses, e-learning qualifications.

These are just a few ideas on how you can make developing your people a way of life at work. By having continuous learning as a cultural backdrop to everything you do, you create a feeling of advancement and usefulness throughout your staff.

So, don’t leave all your people development needs to others…take control and drive it yourself. And leave the bits you can’t do yourself up to us!

Thanks again

Nick Hill

Training Director

MTD Management Training Course

(Image by Keerati)

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”

 Of all the skills managers want to have improved, communication pretty much comes up there at the top. Along with negotiating a higher salary, of course! But communication is such a broad subject. I often ask clients, ‘If there was one area of communication you find hard to deal with or improve, what would it be?’

A common answer is, strangely, confrontation with others. I say this is strange because surely a manager has the capacity to deal with difficult situations, and bring them to a natural, successful conclusion? Well, we’re all human, so maybe even managers sometimes feel the need to improve this particular skill.

Here are some tips on how to deal with confrontation, whatever its cause:

1) Make sure you are in full control of your emotional responses. By allowing temper, fear or anger to drive your behaviour, you lose some control over your responses. Your amygdala, which has a key role to play in regulating your temper, could run away with you if you allow emotion to get the better of you. Take a deep breath, to lower your heart rate and blood pressure.

2) If you have time to plan for the confrontation, think in advance what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. This gives you chance to control yourself and decide how you want the discussion to go.

3) Determine what triggers your responses. For example, if the other person uses bad language, do you respond likewise? If they shout, do you tend to reciprocate? Have an idea of how you respond against specific triggers, so you can choose your response, rather than being driven be an automatic reflex.

4) Often, a confrontational person will not be aware of how they are responding, as they are on automatic pilot. Make the person aware of how confrontational they are being. Saying something like ‘let’s talk about this rationally rather than having a shouting match’ or ‘Can we discuss this logically, instead of being aggressive’. Beware of accusing the other person…they may be aggressively defending themselves.

5) Show understanding and empathy if necessary. Saying something like ‘This obviously is very important to you’ or ‘This means a lot to you, doesn’t it?’ creates some form of equal rapport and enables you to calm any over-the-top emotions that may be driving their responses.

6). See the confrontation for exactly what it is. In other words, identify the motives of the other person. Are they angry for a good reason, or is it trivial? Even if it appears so to you, it might be touching the other’s hot button. The purpose of their argument might be to manipulate you, so be aware of that.

7) Plan for a collaborative response. It may not be possible for you both to ‘win’, but you may be able to deal with it in a way that makes future collaboration between you still work. Find the best way forward, and you have a chance of dealing with the solution rather than dwelling on the problem.

Not easy, of course, dealing with a confrontational situation, but by following some of the above ideas, you may create options that you hadn’t have thought of before.

Many thanks

Mark Williams

Head of Training

MTD Management Training Course

Click below for a:
Free email course “Improve your Management Skills”